This Mutiny in My Soul: My “Acting” Debut

This past weekend, my church showed a video, featuring my “acting” debut. Acting is in quotes because I’m definitely not an actor. I don’t even feel like I did any acting in this piece. Let me explain:

When I was called a few weeks ago and asked to do this, and explained the concept of the video, I knew it wasn’t a coincidence that the director’s first choice had a family emergency and couldn’t do it. I knew this was a perfect fit for me. But like I said—I’m not an actor at all. If I start telling a joke and realize how funny I think it is, I typically start laughing halfway through and completely ruin the delivery. If I’m happy I laugh; if I’m sad I cry. I’m not an actor. And I’m definitely not a boxer. I’ve never trained to be a boxer; if I ever stepped into a ring and there was actually a fighter opposing me, instead of acting with me, I wouldn’t last long. That’s why I also didn’t have to act out the parts where I’m running away from Tyler Hufnagle. They call him “Tuff” in the MMA world for a reason, and if he caught me, I’d likely go down in less than 57 seconds just like his most recent opponent. So I’m neither an actor nor a boxer, in any sense of either word.

No, I knew this was perfect for me, because I felt like I was getting to play a part in telling my own story. It’s the story of evil, crouching at the door, waiting to attack. It’s the story of every human, who, in our weakness, though we want to do good, sometimes seem to lose more often than not to the whims and lies of our sinful nature. The apostle Paul talks about this quite a bit in the New Testament. He says in Romans 7:

“I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do…As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.

“So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me…What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?”

It didn’t take any acting to call up the anger and frustration I feel when I fall victim to the evil of this world and my own sinful nature. It didn’t take any acting to learn how to strike a blow after getting knocked down and beaten up—it’s just taken a lifetime of falling and getting up and, after failing God over and over, relying on His grace and love to save me.

Paul says in Timothy, “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.” He also points out that “The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.”

It’s good to know I’m not alone. Neither are you. It’s with that idea in mind that the incredibly talented Cody Baker wrote his original poem which he then read in the short film he also wrote and directed, Mutiny:

To see the video in the full context of the service in which it was used, watch this.

My [Brief] Brush with Greatness

Back in early 2007, my band, The Honour Recital, called it quits. We had been together for five years and had gone from an unknown group of kids playing music in our parents’ basement to a band playing Warped Tour and negotiating a record deal. When we disbanded, I had no idea what I would do next; I just knew I wanted to play music.

Through a mutual friend in Los Angeles, I was referred to a band from Florida, called Automatic Loveletter. They were (and still are) an incredibly talented rock band with a singer whose voice is like a combination of the best of Janis Joplin and Steven Tyler—and, in my humble opinion, she tops them both. We were put in contact with each other and talked for a few months before finally agreeing that I should join the band. So the day after I asked my fiancée to marry me, I hopped on a plane and headed for Clearwater.

When I got there, the band was just as good as the recordings and Juliet’s voice was better. We all became quick friends and it seemed like the perfect fit.

We may have been a little crazy…

I knew leading up to leaving Indiana that the band was in the middle of a record contract with Epic Records and that a record release would be coming soon, with lots of touring happening around it, in support of the release. In fact, that was the best that everyone in the band knew at the time. Unfortunately, soon after I arrived, the label informed us that the record was being pushed back to a later, unknown date. The schedule of back-to-back touring dates would be put on hold as well, as they weren’t ready to throw the massive weight of a Sony-backed label into a band who didn’t have a record in stores. Interesting catch-22, huh? So we played whatever spot-dates we could book on our own and worked to connect with fans on social networks, doing what we could to continue building the band’s fan-base and notoriety on our own.

Meanwhile, I was really starting to miss my fiancée and was growing more and more homesick every day. Add to that the fact that I didn’t bring a car to Florida, as we all believed we’d be on the road constantly and I wouldn’t need it. Not having a car makes it difficult to get a job, which makes it difficult to care for oneself. So, with very little band activity, no job, no car, and a growing longing to come home to my girl, I made the difficult decision to leave the band and come home.

I knew when I left that I’d probably be hearing Automatic Loveletter on the radio within the next year; as soon as the record came out they’d be massively famous. Seriously, Juliet has such a great voice and the songs were so good and so catchy, there’s no reason they shouldn’t be heard by millions everywhere.

iTunes Top 10 Singles, May 1, 2012

As it turns out, I was wrong about the timing. I was wrong about the band. But I was dead right about Juliet.

Throughout this year’s Super Bowl (the most-watched television event every year in America), NBC promoted its show, The Voice during seemingly every commercial break. The show looked interesting to me last year because of the stars of the show, but I never watched it and didn’t intend to this year–I just don’t have time to add more TV watching to my busy schedule. But it turned out that immediately after the Super Bowl, the auditions for the new season of The Voice started and Kim and I were sucked right in. (Good marketing, NBC!) We were half-watching, half-talking and checking Twitter on our phones when Kim said, “Is that Juliet?” as the show went to a commercial break. I barely missed it, so I didn’t know. When the commercials were done they showed some of the people who were getting ready to audition for the coaches. There she was! Juliet Simms, the girl whose band I had played with over four years ago, backstage with her brother, Tommy. I was blown away!

I knew she was great and that the world would eventually know her talent; but no one could have known the events of record label troubles and the music industry’s struggles as a whole would lead to her auditioning for a talent competition on one of the largest television networks in America. Nor could they have known how Adam Levine and Christina Aguillera would practically fight over the chance to be her coach!

Though I haven’t been able to watch every episode and spend three hours a week following all the performances and voting results, I have made sure to catch videos of Juliet’s performances on YouTube the day after.

A couple of my favorites:

After months of this show going on every week and the Voice’s coaches and viewers voting to eliminate singers, it’s down to the final four contestants. Juliet made it! To say I’m proud of her and excited for her would be an understatement. She’s one of the most talented, driven, passionate, hardest working people I know—not just in the music world either. Juliet is an example of knowing what God made a person for, knowing her strengths and talents, and working hard to make her dreams come true. The world could use more people like her.

Check out her incredible final performance on the show:

TODAY is the last day to vote! The winner is announced tonight!!! Suffice it to say, I’ll be voting for Juliet Simms and watching the finale, cheering for her to win. I hope you’ll join me.

PS—As an added bonus for reading through this entire post, here’s a live performance from my time with Juliet, Sean, Daniel, and Automatic Loveletter:

Six months already?

My daughter turned six months old yesterday. Since October 2, 2011, Kim and I have never been the same. She has brought so much joy to our hearts in such a short time.

We’ve had some stressful times—trying to figure out what’s wrong when she cries; how and when to feed her; how to time planned events with feeding, sleeping and getting out of the house on time; how to save for college; who should care for her if we both die in a fiery car crash (read: blaze of glory); and all the other ins and outs of bringing a new person into the world who’s completely dependent on us—but to say it’s been worth it would be a huge understatement.

I love:

• her mouth-open, toothless, drooling smile
• her big soft cheeks that just can’t seem to be kissed enough
• watching her grow and learn
• bath time
• waking her up and seeing her smile to start the day
• hearing her baby-talk and singing and spitting throughout the apartment
• the new laugh we’re starting to hear (along with all the new, fun things she’s doing)
• our time in the car on the way to Grandma and Grandpa G’s house in the mornings, telling her stories and holding her little hand when she gets fussy

She loves:

• us, for who we are, no matter what
• staring outside at the sky and trees and birds, and all the beauty God has made
• getting our attention when we’re not looking
• watching me play guitar (and trying to play with me)
• singing
• learning
• rolling over
• pulling the blankets over her eyes
• finding and staring at me, whether or not we’re in the same room

Someday her eyes will look at another man; her hand will hold his as they get into a car that says “Just Married.” But not now. Not today. Today I’m still the man in her life and that is at once one of the most daunting, challenging, exciting and fulfilling blessings in my life.

Today is a good day.

They say your life will change forever…

And “they” are absolutely right.

But what they leave out is that this is one of the best life changes a person could ever experience. And what’s life without some monumental moments in time that you know you’ll never forget?

In these relative instants, a span of 70-80 years becomes worthwhile. There are always hard times, there are always tough life changes; but without the ones that make you so happy you can’t contain the tears, what’s it all for?

My life has changed forever and I couldn’t be happier.

Welcome to the world, Kiersten Bethany Burkey!

Understanding Winehouse

As I drove home Friday night, I believe I understood, for the first time in my life, why so many musicians are prone to alcoholism and are drug or sex addicts. But let me back up a bit.

REUNITE

After four and a half years of being disbanded, my former band, The Honour Recital, decided to get back together for one concert, on one night. We were all thrilled to share the stage with each other again—since the breakup, we had all gone separate ways and really hadn’t spent time all together as a group, so the prospect was exciting on many levels.

The Work

A lot of work must go in to a concert if the band wants to sound good, make a little money and have people show up. So for the next two months, that’s what we went about doing: individual practice, business meetings, writing a press release and contacting various media outlets, getting a poster designed and printed, buying merchandise to sell, writing and producing a set, band rehearsals, working with the promoter and our sound and lighting technicians, etc.

After two months of hard work (usually after getting home from our “real”, paying jobs), leaving our wives and families at night for rehearsals and meetings, and getting little precious sleep, the day finally arrived. We got to the venue at 2 p.m. for a sound check and full run-through and by the time we got through many complications with sound, lighting, stage setup, etc., it was time for people to start arriving. And arrive, they did. Some came from as far away as Illinois, Ohio, Michigan and even Iowa, some six hours away!

Three great bands opened for us and before we knew it, we were up! We took the stage and even before the first note, we could literally feel the energy and anticipation of the crowd. And when we started playing, it was as if we had never stopped four years ago—fans were clapping, dancing and singing and yelling along to every word. They loved our music, and they loved us.

The High

It’s incredibly difficult to explain to someone who’s never experienced it before, the incredible high that a person gets who is in that position. But suffice it to say that when hundreds of people are singing back to you the songs that you carefully crafted and when you’re causing them to have such a good time that they, in turn, cause you to have a great time, it’s just an incredible high, like nothing you’ve ever experienced.

Now it’s definitely not the most fulfilling high by any means. (Is any high truly fulfilling?) It doesn’t even touch the day I married my wife or the week I spent with the poor in India. Those things were more of a process and had greater rewards, over a longer period of time. But neither of those truly meaningful and fulfilling things come close to the very short and high peak of emotion and happiness in that moment on stage. And with every short, high peak of emotion comes a very long, steep fall back down to earth and “real life.”

That’s what I struggled with after the lights went out and the music stopped and all the fans went home. The long period of work was done, but so was the very short moment of reward. I felt really empty and life felt meaningless. Even though I absolutely love my life: I have a beautiful wife who loves me for who I am, I have a relationship with the God who created the universe (including music) and yet loves me, I have a baby girl on the way and a great job that I love going to every morning. But in that moment, none of these lasting, fulfilling, meaningful things could touch the sharp, high peak of happiness that I had just reached. And in that moment, and into the next day, I just wanted to find something else to go to to make me happy. I understood—fully I think—for the first time, why “rock stars” (along with some professional athletes and celebrities) run to drugs, sex and alcohol to keep them happy. If I didn’t have the aforementioned meaningful things in my life, that fall back to the real world would have been much longer and even steeper and I would probably be like the rest of them.

The way I see it, we as musicians (performers, entertainers, etc.) have to find our true happiness outside of the stage; we have to have real relationships with people who love us even when we haven’t recorded a single song in five years. We have to know that this life matters, whether or not we ever produce a single hit. If we don’t, and if all our hope is in the music and our fans, we are doomed. Even if we live, we’re doomed to live lives of destruction, to ourselves and everyone around us (See Nikki Sixx’s story in The Dirt by Neil Strauss and Motley Crue, or Michael Jackson’s life for more evidence of that).

The Understanding

Later that day, Amy Winehouse was found dead. A beautiful girl with a great voice, her death is certainly a huge loss. At this point, we still aren’t sure what the cause of this 27-year-old’s tragic death was. Whatever the cause turns out to be, one thing no one disputes is that her life was full of imbalance and she battled many addictions. As sad and tragic as her death is, it couldn’t have been timed more perfectly for my understanding. Because of my very short experience with a very small-scale level of fame, my heart was a lot more sensitive than it normally would have been. I think at any other time, I would have said things like, “What a waste. She was so talented and had it all and she ruined it.” Now, I understand, more than ever before, that it in fact, ruined her. If all her life centered on her music career and if that is what she counted on to make her happy, she didn’t have a chance. Because music (and fans and concerts and adulation) will bring a short-term happiness that nothing else can bring, but it is extremely temporary.

I Want to be More Like This Guy

I want to be more like Thomas. No, not Thomas Jefferson (though I am grateful for his work, especially the Declaration of Independence—but that’s another post entirely.) I’m talking about Thomas, the disciple, the follower of Jesus. We usually refer to him as “Doubting” Thomas. He’s the guy who wanted to see the holes in Jesus’ hands, feet and side, in order to be convinced that Jesus had indeed resurrected from the dead. Because of that, Thomas is known not for his faith, but for his doubt.

There’s a lot more to “Doubting” Thomas though that isn’t as well-taught or -known. I only learned last year that he was one of the first to bring the gospel of Christ to India. “Saint” Thomas, as he is known there now, even has a mountain named after him. Check out this video on Thomas’ impact in India, shot from the top of St. Thomas Mount:

I’d like to think I have a lot in common with Thomas. I think he was a guy who wanted to make sure he had his facts straight and that everything made sense—before he believed. But once he knew the truth, he dove in and gave 100%. There was no stopping a believing Thomas. Check out this passage, from John 11, well before the whole little doubting incident:

6 So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days,7 and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”

8 ”But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago the Jews there tried to stone you, and yet you are going back?”

9 Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? Anyone who walks in the daytime will not stumble, for they see by this world’s light.10 It is when a person walks at night that they stumble, for they have no light.”

11 After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.”

12 His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.”13 Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.

14 So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead,15 and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”

16 Then Thomas (also known as Didymus) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

That little line in the middle of a story of resurrection says a lot. Thomas wasn’t necessarily sure Jesus would come out of there alive (perhaps he was doubting?) but he had seen enough evidence, and believed in this Jesus so fully, that he was ready to give his life at a moment’s notice for Him.

That’s what I want. I know I won’t always have the answers, and at times my human mind—not capable of fully grasping a life other than the fallen-nature of this present world—won’t be able to comprehend a way out. But I want to be a person who doesn’t believe blindly, but with the passion that only asking questions and finding the Truth can bring.

Why I Love Opening Day

Baseball is here again and I couldn’t be more excited for the 2011 season! In honor of my favorite player, Albert Pujols, here are 5 reasons I can’t wait for the first pitch:

Spring is Here!
Even if you don’t consider yourself a die-hard fan of baseball; whether your team is good, or like the Pirates and Cubs, is saying ‘maybe next year‘ from day one, Opening Day is about so much more than bats and balls.  After what often seems like an endless winter in much of the U.S., baseball’s first pitch means Spring is finally upon us and Summer is on the way.  Get ready for barbeques, trips to the beach, long boarding, and of course, baseball just about every day until November!

My Wife Watches
My wife doesn’t care about sports. In fact, she may have a slight level of abhorrence for games which distract her strikingly handsome, loving husband from spending any time with her.  BUT, there are a few games in each season to which she will pay attention.  They typically include the World Series, All-Star game and, that’s right, Opening Day.  In fact, this year she even blogged about it.

My Teams Got Better
Yes, teams.  As in two favorites.  Last year, neither made the playoffs but they both look to be back on track and serious contenders.  In the American League, the Chicago White Sox are my team.  They improved tremendously this Winter by adding lefty slugger, Adam Dunn, and pitcher Jesse Crain, as well as re-signing Paul Konerko.  Combine that with the offseason rehab Jake Peavy has completed ahead of expectations, and promising young pitcher, Chris Sale being around for his first full season, bolstering an already deep group of pitchers, this year’s south-siders look to have assembled the best team since the World Series-winning ’05 team.

In the National League, my Cardinals look ready to get back to the playoffs and do some damage as well.  By adding former divisional rivals, Lance Berkman and Ryan Theriot, the Cards are taking what could be Albert Pujols’ last season in the uniform seriously.

Albert Pujols as a Cardinal
Speaking of “el Hombre” as he’s affectionately called in St. Louis (so as not to confuse him with Cardinal hall-of-famer Stan “the Man” Musial), this could very well be his last season with the redbirds as he goes into his last season before free agency.  The club would obviously like to keep him around for the rest of his career.  But as he may very well be the best player of all time, he is asking for the most money per-year of all time.  The Cardinals are a smaller-market franchise and they may not be able to pay him, without seriously crippling the organization in the long run.   Though I see both sides of the equation – the team’s business needs, and Pujols making the most of his last big contract – it really is a sad story, to this point.  I seriously hope the two parties can come together on something that is a win for everyone by the end of the season.

Meanwhile, what could be Albert’s last season with St. Louis should be an exciting one, due in large part to the aforementioned acquisitions, along with perennial Cardinal All-Stars Matt Holliday, Chris Carpenter and Yadier Molina.

Opening Day Highlights
Sure, it’s only one of 162 games, but last year’s numero uno proved to be one of the most exciting.  Pujols blasted two homers on opening day 2010, while Mark Buehrle made the defensive play by which ESPN’s Baseball Tonight would measure all others for the rest of the season:

Get your peanuts and hot dogs, folks; it’s time to play ball!

I enjoy the game because it’s a beautifully-designed game; it’s a beautiful game to watch. But principally because it makes me feel American. It makes me feel connected with this culture. And I think there are only three things that America will be known for two thousand years from now when they study this civilization: the Constitution, jazz music, and baseball. They’re the three most beautifully-designed things this culture has ever produced.

––Gerald Early

A Change is Going to Come…

Over the past few years, I have been actively seeking God’s purpose for my life.

One of the biggest ways I feel I need to live out my purpose is by spending the biggest chunk of time in my life – my daily work – doing things that engage my values, skills and abilities, passions and desires.  Along with my increased Bible-reading and prayer time, I’ve read a few career-oriented books, talked with close friends and advisers, spent time writing down my dreams and talents, and of course, spent a great deal of time hashing it all out with my wife.  I believe I finally have a solid direction and focus for this next season.

I am thrilled to announce that in two weeks, I will begin my new role as the Communications Coordinator at Granger Community Church!  I am very excited to be a part of the writing & proofing team, as well as helping with online content maintenance, and event prep and support, among various other responsibilities.

Stay tuned for updates on this new beginning…

My Trip to India: One Year Later

Exactly one year ago, I was traveling home to the US as part of a team from Granger Community Church (GCC) after our mission trip to India. Now if you’re asking yourself, as I have often been asked, why would you willingly use your vacation time to go to India?, watch this:

I’m filled with all kinds of thoughts and emotions as I read through my journal, look at pictures and watch videos from that week. The time we spent with the Irula colony in Kalavai, Tamil Nadu was easily one of the best weeks of my entire life. It was there that I learned how much I have, how great the country I live in is, and how truly happy and generous people can be, regardless of their lot in life.

Here are some quick videos that more or less summarize my entire week:

http://www.facebook.com/v/10150136842755573

http://www.facebook.com/v/10150136838540573

A couple more pictures:

There are more pictures and video where that came from; just head to my Tim Burkey to India Facebook Group.

Also, if you want a more detailed description of my trip to India, you can read the letter I sent to my supporters after I had been home for about a month.

Finally, there’s an amazing book about the work our church is doing in southern India and the movement to grow the Kingdom of God that is spreading like wildfire. It contains stunning pictures (taken, like most of the pictures in this post, by Dustin Maust) from the trip I was a part of, as well as lots of stories from people in the village and local pastors. The book is called Share the Well; it was written by Rob and Michelle Wegner, and it is easily worth the $20 it costs to buy it because, along with the beautiful pictures and the heart-warming and inspiring stories, all of the money from the proceeds of this book go back into the work being done on the ground in India.

You can get your copy from the book’s website or on Amazon.

Thanks for letting me share a piece of my incredible trip with you!  This certainly isn’t the end…

Thanks to Dustin and J for the amazing pictures and videos!

Words Matter

Our words matter.  What I say matters.  What I don’t say matters.  The same is true for you, your spouse, your boss, your parents, your kids; those you lead, follow and share life with.

Obviously, what you DO also matters, and it’s extremely important that our words and actions are in sync.  Without integrity, our words are meaningless.

What this short movie shows however, is the incredible power that our words can have.  They have the power to build, or tear down; to give life, or to be a sword; to add value, or demean.

What we don’t say, also matters.  Far too often, we hold back the compliments and encouragement that could help a coworker or friend get through the day.  Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”  There is a lot of truth to that.  In fact, some people have to go that long without hearing one good thing said about them.  It is always easier to point out the negative in someone, to criticize or point out fault.  We are sometimes even drawn to criticism of others; American Idol became such a success, largely due to Simon Cowell and his harsh – yet usually accurate and funny – “critique” of the awful contestants.

The fact is, we all have faults.  Fortunately we ALL have good characteristics too, and if we look for those qualities in others, we have the power to give life to someone in need.  Think about that and make someone’s day.  …Or quite possibly, her next two months.

By the way, I think you are great!